now i feel that i’m so lonely.
i have no one to talk to.

i got scolded my birth father.
my housemate was so inconsiderate.
i’m tired to please everyone.
i don’t even want to think that tomorrow i have to go the office.

i’m so sad. after 2 years i thought i have become stronger, no more crying over simple things,
today I cry because i found my housemate was taking off my wet laundry just because she wanted to hang her own laundry.
i cry because my birth father fusses about i didn’t say anything after he picked me up of the street.
i cry because he said he was disappointed i didn’t reply his sms.
i cry because my friend didn’t respond my message.
i cry because i don’t know why i miss my sister already.
i cry because i don’t want to think that i have to go to the office and have to deal with some other inconsiderate people
i cry because i have no one to talk to, to hear my whining and ranting, to comfort me, to say everything will be okay tomorrow.
i cry because i’m disappointed of my self.. i doubt myself, i think i’m useless and no one care about me.
i cry because i can’t call my mom to unload all my problems without worrying that if i talk to her she would worry about me, and asks me to move back home.
i cry because finally my friends responded my message but i’m too worry to tell them about my problems.
i cry because suddenly i remember my other family’s problems, and they have more problems, harder problems than me, and comparing with mine, these are nothing but why am i so sad, and feel so down.

i cry because i can’t leave everything to God, who is always there for me, and taking care of me.
i cry because i thought i already pass the phase I would pity about self, but unfortunately, not yet.

ok, after a full hour crying and talked to my friend by phone, now, i realized that even though i feel alone, i definitely ain’t alone. I just need to try harder to leave everything to God.

the end of the day?

I just got back from watching ‘2012‘ at the cinema.

Two words : not impressed.

Actually I have no such high expectation for this movie, I went because some colleagues wanted to see it, and my plan to spend Friday night has been canceled.

The special effects were great, but storyline is…just ordinary. I didn’t feel attached to the story, and it’s forgettable.
I remembered how I kept thinking about “End of Days” days after I watched it, even I was little bit more impressed with “Knowing”

I’m not such a great movie’s critic, so I’ll stop talking about the movie before someone writes flame comment here..

Anyway.

One of my friends said that she didn’t think that the doomsday will come on 2012.
I say, well we never know. And I don’t want to know.

One thing that I ‘learned’ from the movie is we should live our lives to the fullest. I don’t want to regret things, so I think I should learn the ‘go for it’ attitude and not hold back like what was I keep doing now.
Family is the most important thing I have in the world, and lately I feel that I keep making distance with them, I live on my own world, and being more and more anti social. I feel bad about it, and I promised to self that from now on, I should call my parents more often, tell them how I actually miss them ( even though I still don’t want to come back living in my hometown ), and how much I love them.

So, apparently I didn’t waste my money watching it, because at least I got moral of the story!

traces

Apparently the old posts that I thought I’ve deleted are still findable.

I thought they were gone. But the internet somehow still keeps them, I don’t know until when.

Well, I don’t have any secrets to hide, or embarrassing parts from those posts, so I can care less.

But this makes me thinking….no matter how bad you want to forget your past, it’s still there. You can’t never delete it. It will always become part of your life.

Fortunately, I run pretty boring/average/ordinary life until now.

I think I’ve learned

you know colleagues can’t be always fun, always helping, always cheering you.

but what i hate the most is the rude behavior.

I’m not perfect, I’m definitely not the happy, nice person on earth, I often throw fits to my colleagues, but I try my hardest that I never ever say something rude like FUCK OFF.

So I learned today, that well, someone that I thought would never ever say something like that, can be..lets say the worst, rude.

I did piss off with this. I tried to calm down, but remember, I definitely not the nicest person in this department.
I think I should turn my music player’s volume higher, sing along, and shake my head harder.

I thought I’ve increased my patience’s level. But for something unimportant like this, why I feel mad?