now i feel that i’m so lonely.
i have no one to talk to.

i got scolded my birth father.
my housemate was so inconsiderate.
i’m tired to please everyone.
i don’t even want to think that tomorrow i have to go the office.

i’m so sad. after 2 years i thought i have become stronger, no more crying over simple things,
today I cry because i found my housemate was taking off my wet laundry just because she wanted to hang her own laundry.
i cry because my birth father fusses about i didn’t say anything after he picked me up of the street.
i cry because he said he was disappointed i didn’t reply his sms.
i cry because my friend didn’t respond my message.
i cry because i don’t know why i miss my sister already.
i cry because i don’t want to think that i have to go to the office and have to deal with some other inconsiderate people
i cry because i have no one to talk to, to hear my whining and ranting, to comfort me, to say everything will be okay tomorrow.
i cry because i’m disappointed of my self.. i doubt myself, i think i’m useless and no one care about me.
i cry because i can’t call my mom to unload all my problems without worrying that if i talk to her she would worry about me, and asks me to move back home.
i cry because finally my friends responded my message but i’m too worry to tell them about my problems.
i cry because suddenly i remember my other family’s problems, and they have more problems, harder problems than me, and comparing with mine, these are nothing but why am i so sad, and feel so down.

i cry because i can’t leave everything to God, who is always there for me, and taking care of me.
i cry because i thought i already pass the phase I would pity about self, but unfortunately, not yet.

ok, after a full hour crying and talked to my friend by phone, now, i realized that even though i feel alone, i definitely ain’t alone. I just need to try harder to leave everything to God.

traces

Apparently the old posts that I thought I’ve deleted are still findable.

I thought they were gone. But the internet somehow still keeps them, I don’t know until when.

Well, I don’t have any secrets to hide, or embarrassing parts from those posts, so I can care less.

But this makes me thinking….no matter how bad you want to forget your past, it’s still there. You can’t never delete it. It will always become part of your life.

Fortunately, I run pretty boring/average/ordinary life until now.